Love and War
by SnowyPicture
Summary: Lily, Hermione, and Ginny ponder being in love during a war.
1. Lily

Love and War

**1. Lily**

She loves him.

She loves him, and she knows it, no matter how much she tries to tell herself otherwise.

And it hurts her, because she can't love him, not when times are so rough, not when there's a war going on.

But how can she not love him? How can she look across the room at him and not feel butterflies in her stomach? She can't, it's simply impossible. It was impossible even when she hated him, sometimes, if_ that's_ even possible.

She remembers those days, those days when she hated him. Those days when he was an arrogant git. Those days when he made fun of people and abused the use of magic. Those days when he thought that he himself was worth more than all the galleons in Europe. Those days when he asked her out more than three times a day.

But she was always there to put him in his place. Whenever he was laughing at someone, or making fun of them, she was there with just the right thing to say that always made him eat his words. Whenever he was playing a prank on someone, she would catch him, most of the time. Besides, she wasn't made prefect _and_ Head Girl for nothing.

Whenever he was puffing up his ego, which he usually seemed to do whenever she was in ear shot, she was there to prove him wrong and name all of his faults, a list of which she kept in her head as a comfortable reassurance for when she ever started to think otherwise.

And whenever he asked her out she was always there to say that she would first snog a hippogriff thaneven _think_ about doing anything with him. Besides, he never really _asked_. It was always "I'll only go away if you agree to go out with me Evans." and "I'll stop if you go out with me Evans." or "I won't do it anymore if you go out with me Evans.", all without so much as the blink of an eye. Who would say yes to something so rude? Didn't he even have the courtesy to say her first name when asking such a question?

And of course, all of these things would turn into fights, though, admittedly, her words were always harsher.

But that was long ago, and things have changed, he has changed, even she has changed. And it's a shame really, how things can't be how she wants them to be, especially after all this time. And it's not because she's selfish, because she's not, and things always have to be her way, because they don't. It's because there's a war going on, and nothing can go anybody's way.

It's all she can do not to give up, not that's its something she does a lot, but because there's a war going on, and there are people out there that want her to give up, which makes it all the more difficult not to.

That's something she's always liked about him, how he never gives up. He never stopped doing any of the stupid things he did just because she said so, not that any of that was bravery or anything to look up to, but he always did have an affinity for breaking the rules. He was extremely good at it, him and his friends, and she often wondered how he did it, and she lately she's been finding herself looking the other way when he's doing something that would be considered as 'bending the rules'.

She loves him, and sometimes, when she sneaks a look at him down the table during dinner in the Great Hall, she sees him laughing with his friends, and he glances at her, still laughing, as though he wants to tell her what is so funny. He looks away, because he knows she won't let him, because there's a war going on and there's no time for jokes.

He loves her back, and she knows it, even though it's been quite a while since he last asked her out. It's not because he's given up, because that really isn't something that he would do, it's because there's a war going on, and things like that get in the way of the more important things that need to be concentrated on.

But sometimes she thinks, who cares if there's a war going on? She wants to be happy, he wants to be happy, why can't they just be happy? Schools almost over, and who knows when they'll see each other again? But then she thinks that now's not the time for that, it will only make it harder, people are dying left and right, who knows who could be next?

Then she realizes that maybe it is worth it though, because really, it's now or never, and if it isn't now, then it must be never, and that really isn't a chance she wants to take.

So she looks across the room again and finds that he's looking across the room too. So she gets up, because it really is now or never. Just because a war is going on doesn't mean that she has to give into it.

Because whatever happens, they're going down together.


	2. Hermione

**2. Hermione**

She thinks of him all the time.

And it's just not fair that she can't be with him. Well she _can_, and he'd be more than willing, but she can't, not when there's a war going on.

Not when their best friend is in the middle of it. He needs them right now, and they can't be off concentrating on other things, less important things.

Not that they aren't important, but they can wait. Wars don't. Wars wait for no one.

She knows this, she's seen what's happened so far, and how powerful it is. It killed one of the greatest wizards of all time. And if it can do that, who knows what it will do next?

And she worries. All the time. She tells him this, and he tells her not to. It's not time to worry yet, everyone is still here and well and alive. He says to enjoy life while you can.

So she does, for a little while. That is, until the worry slowly creeps back into her, sneaking up quietly behind her, waiting for just the right moment to strike. And it reminds her that not everyone is well and not everyone is here and not everyone is alive. They can't be, not when there's a war going on.

And it's hard to enjoy life when there's a war going on, and after the year she's had, she hardly believes that she can. This was the year she nearly lost him.

She thought things had been going well, after all, they _were_ going to go to Slughorn's Christmas party together. _Were_, as in, they were going to, but didn't. Because _she_ happened.

_She_, as in She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, wanted him all to herself. And _she_ got him. Of course, it's not as if anyone made him do it, he went willingly, and that was what hurt the most, especially counting the fact that they actually had a date planned.

When she first saw them it hurt. Bad. Like she had been stabbed in the heart over and over by Cupid's worst enemy, vowing to get revenge. And it hurt even worse when he came with _her _into that empty classroom she was in, where she had come to try to make sense of things. That was when she lost it. All of her fury and rage and disappointment and heartbrokenness came out of her. She sent those blasted birds at him.

She remembers when she first told her mum about Viktor Krum. She wrote to her about how polite he was and how considerate he was and what a gentleman he was and how she was so excited that he had asked her to go to the Yule Ball with him. She remembers how she hardly believed it. That a boy, no a _man_, could actually be interested in her. She had thought he was perfect.

Her mother had written back to her saying how happy she was that her daughter had her first boyfriend, and that he sounded perfect. But her mother had also given her some advice: _Before you get in too deep with Victor, you must remember that you are only fifteen, and that love makes people do crazy things, so please dear, be careful._

She had known, of course, that she wasn't in love with Viktor. Besides, she had figured, even if she was, she was a sane person, and she wouldn't do anything stupid or crazy just for a boy. She would never stoop so low as to do that.

How wrong she was.

"_Oppugno!_"

And just like that, the '_She wouldn't do anything stupid or crazy just for a boy'_ went out the window.

And she knew that her mother was right, she's always right, as all mothers are about their children. And she knew that she would never do such a thing to Viktor. She reserves the stupid and crazy things only for the one that she loves.

But it didn't end there. She refused to talk to him for months. She told herself that it was the right thing to do, he deserved it. And if he didn't apologize, then he simply wasn't worth it.

But it killed her, and for many nights she cried herself to sleep with his face smiling that that smile he only used for her in her mind. Her days were lonely and filled mostly with classes and schoolwork and books, and books are no good when you can't concentrate on them because your mind is elsewhere.

Of course she had her other best friend, or really, he was just her best friend, she had no other. And she had fun with him and loved him like a brother, but he was always off with the headmaster and dealing with being 'The Chosen One' and toying around with that nonsensical potions book of his. She did feel guilty about making him have to bridge that gap between her and _him_. He would have to sit between them in classes and choose one over the other when _she_ wasn't around. She knew all he asked of them was that they become the trio again.

She missed him. She missed his sense of humor, he always made her laugh. She didn't laugh much then. Especially when it happened.

He almost died. He almost died without saying goodbye.

That was when she knew it had to end. All of it. All of the pretending she didn't care and that she didn't love him when it was constantly on her mind. She had to fix it, she couldn't let things end like that. He couldn't leave without knowing that she would miss him.

So after standing outside the hospital wing for twenty minutes in a fierce battle against her wits, she walked straight in and told him that she was sorry and that she didn't mean anything about the birds and that all she wanted was for them to be friends again. And he said that he was sorry too, and he wanted her to know that when he drank the poison and he saw his life flash before his eyes, that she was in it far more than _she_ was, and ever will be. He said all he wanted was for them to be friends again too.

And so they are.

But it is hard for her to 'just be friends' when she wants so much more, especially when there's a war going on.

But she knows they can't be, not now, not after their other best friend broke up with the girl he loves for the stupid war that's going on.

They are going to have to fight it, and it'll be hard, but that's just what fighting is. Especially when the opponent can't be beaten. Love. And in their case, it'll be strong, and they'll have to resist it. For now.

For now they'll just have to wait.


	3. Ginny

**3. Ginny**

She knows him.

She knows him better than he realizes. Not better than he knows himself, because he has secrets, secrets he hasn't told her, and doesn't plan on telling her, not when there's a war going on.

And that's okay. Everyone has secrets. And who is she to expect him, 'The Chosen One', not to have secrets? He's in the middle of a war, and he's on a mission, a mission that is full of secrets.

And it really is okay because she knows him, and she knows he'll tell her when the time is right, whether it is before or after. Before he leaves or after he returns. Most likely after, because he _will_ return.

Oh, she knows he's leaving, with the other two, for his mission sometime soon. Most likely after the wedding. She hopes that maybe she'll dance with him.

That would be wonderful, even though they're broken up and she _knows_ it. And she _knows _why. It's because there's a war going on.

And it's just plain stupid.

Because she knew it was coming, sooner or later, she felt it. He has business to take care of, dark wizards to annihilate, a war to end, so that there won't be a war going on any more, so that people will be able to get back to their lives. That is, if they survive this thing.

She doesn't know how long it will last. Weeks? Months? Years? Who knows how long he'll be gone for, him and the other two, and so many others.

And she knows that some won't come back, she knows it, she just doesn't want to believe it. She also knows that he's the one to stop it, all because he has a heart. Sure, many people have a heart, but his is special, and she knows that because she knows him.

She knows when he's happy and angry and upset and nervous and embarrassed, but anyone could know that just by looking at him. She knows him because she _knows_ what it feels like to be under the pressure of the Dark Lord. Of course, he has it much worse than she ever did, but at least she _knows_ and doesn't just _imagine_.

She remembers that year. When her brothers had gone and flew that bloody car to his aunt and uncle's house to save him. She remembers him being there, _in her house_, it was as if a celebrity was staying with them. Many people do consider him a celebrity, but she knows that a real celebrity would never be able to take on a war. Not that he's doing it willingly, of course, he has to. Because it's either die or die fighting.

She also remembers the diary. And it's ironic that it would fall into the hands of a naïve little girl who just so happened to be infatuated with the object of the diary's desire. And she wrote in it, to _him_, about all the little first year things that she cared about then, and about him, yes, especially him. She had thought that the diary was only enchanted or charmed, she would never have imagined that it was evil.

Until, slowly, the diary became her best friend, she told him everything, her life was devoted to it. That was when it started to ask favors of her.

She doesn't remember most of them, not much, she doesn't really want to. But sometimes she has nightmares about them. The only reassurance is that she knows that he'll come and save her, like he did that night. She remembers opening her eyes and first seeing the venomous fifty foot snake, dead, and then her eyes traveling to him, torn and beaten and bloody, and she knew that her prince had come to save her.

It felt special to have such a thing between them. To know that they had seen the Dark Lord and conquered him, or at least he did. But really, it isn't so special, it's _dreadful_. It gives her nightmares and she _knows_ he has them too, how can he not? Especially when there's a war are going on.

And sometimes she feels bad about yelling at him at Grimmauld Place when he was under so much pressure, after Cedric died. But he had forgotten. He had forgotten that she _knew. _It wasn't one of the other two, it was _her_, the one he barely knew. After he asked about it though, she did feel good knowing that she had made him feel just a little bit better after being under tremendous pressure, where just a little counts a lot.

After that he paid more attention to her, because she _knew_, they had a connection, and they became better friends. Until the day he slowly crossed the line she had crossed so long before, where she had been on the other side, waiting.

Because all that stuff about giving up on him was just rubbish.

And she'll never forget that day. That day at the party after the Quidditch match. It all happened in slow motion, and somehow she knew what was going to happen. And really, if that's how he acted when they won, she doesn't even want to think about what would have happened if they lost.

After that, it was something in a dream. It was better than all of her wildest fantasies, which she did have quite a lot of.

She liked it when she made him laugh. She knew that in the back of his mind anguish loomed, and for a split second it was almost forgotten, because laughter really is the best medicine.

However, that is not the case, not when there's a war going on.

And things only got worse, and the climax of it was when the most brilliant wizard of all time was killed by a coward who proved that maybe he wasn't so cowardly after all.

So she took his hand and she led him away. He had had a dazed look on his face, as if he couldn't really believe what was happening, none of them could. But you are forced to when there's a war going on.

And the time up until the funeral was spent in a daze, and she knew that it was going to be the last of the time she would spend with him for a long time.

And at the funeral, when he turned to her, while the other two cried with each other, she knew what he was going to say. And it still broke her heart, but that's what happens when there's a war going on. 

And it just isn't fair. Generations before them suffered through this, and they fought hard to keep the next generations from suffering too, and it's a shame that they're suffering anyway.

And it isn't fair that he has to suffer, because he never did anything to deserve such torture, and he's battled it so many times.

But wars don't care. They don't care if you're man or woman, young or old, good or bad, they leave scars on everyone.

He has a mission, a mission that he doesn't want to go on, but has to anyway because there's a war going on. And when he comes out of it, he'll come back to her, she _knows._

But first, he has a world to save.


End file.
